


Protocol Omega

by BonkKnockers



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Kissing, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 13:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19110208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonkKnockers/pseuds/BonkKnockers
Summary: With his ship, the Enterprise, disabled, Captain Christopher Pike unexpectedly finds himself aboard the Discovery to deal with a crisis of universal proportions. The mystery of the Red Angel quickly causes turmoil throughout Starfleet, but it is nothing compared to the turmoil that rages inside of him as he battles his own feelings for Ensign Sylvia Tilly.





	1. Tilly

Sylvia Tilly sipped her strawberry milkshake absentmindedly as she read through the latest engineering reports on the PADD in front of her. There was something about these numbers that didn’t quite add up but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. It was a puzzle that she’d been attempting to solve all day, and if _she_ couldn’t do it, no one could. After all, she was without a doubt the best theoretical engineer onboard _Discovery_.

With a heavy sigh, she dropped the tablet onto the table and rubbed her temples. She’d been here for too long already, and, if anyone inquired, this was her first milkshake. Although in reality, it was actually her third. Tilly sighed picturing the extra hundred laps she’d have to jog around the deck to make up for it.

Two different shifts had come and gone, now a third was sitting around, laughing, chatting, enjoying their dinners. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the doors leading out to the corridor slide open and Captain Pike step through. _Oh god_ , she thought as she slid down into her chair. She was still consumed by the embarrassment of her first meeting with the Captain a few days earlier. All she had to do was verify his DNA for the command change and instead, she’d let her mouth run away on her. And then she’d touched his hand, and everyone had been watching, watching her fawn all over him. She felt her cheeks grow hot once again and knew her face was bright red.

He was just so, so handsome. It almost made her chest hurt. He was almost twice her age and yet there was something about him. His face still retained that boyish charm that put everyone around him at ease. With only a gentle smile he could disarm and calm any situation. Even when she’d accidentally sent his records up onto the main viewscreen, he’d simply rolled with it, almost making it seem as if he’d asked her to do it. Everyone had forgotten that she’d made a fool of herself, as flustered as a first-year cadet in front of him.

Later in their room, she’d admitted to Michael that she thought he was the sexiest man she’d ever seen. Even that comment embarrassed her now, she’d been worked up and giddy, crushing hard on a man lightyears out of her league. Michael had simply given her an indulgent smile. After all, it wasn’t the first time Tilly had spilled out her guts to her roommate, Michael Burnham, about a crush.

Quickly she sucked up the rest of her shake, and got up from the table, hoping that she could skirt the room behind him without having to exchange pleasantries. Was it mutiny to try to avoid one’s captain?

But standing up was her first mistake. Her chair scraped sharply against the floor, causing nearly everyone in the room to glance in her direction including Captain Pike.  
She plastered a sheepish smile across her face and apologized quietly to everyone in the immediate vicinity.

“Ah, Ensign Tilly, just the person I was looking for,” Captain Pike said, flashing her that stupid, handsome smile as he wove through the tables towards her.

She sat back down.

“C-Captain. Hey! I mean, hi. I mean, hello, Sir,” Tilly tried her best to adopt a self-assured, confident demeanor, but she wasn’t sure that it ended up coming off that way.

Pike chuckled, giving her a reassuring nod. “At ease, Ensign.”

What was he going to talk to her about? What did he _need_ to talk to her about?  
“Sir, if this is about those samples that you saw me drop in engineering the other day, I just wanted to assure you that none of them broke. Well… one of them did, but luckily it was the only one without a specimen in it,” she said in a rush before she could stop herself.

Pike laughed. A light, throaty sound that sent tickles shimmying up her spine.

“Uh, no. But I’m glad to hear that no experiments were impaired by that accident.”

Accident. That was a nice way of saying ‘ineptitude’.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about the Command Training Program.”  


“What? Oh, really?” she said, a bit surprised. That was the last thing she’d expect to talk to an actual captain about, normally it would have been up to her immediate superiors to begin the training. But with Stamets planning on leaving and everyone else, including her, trying to figure out the mystery of the seven red anomalies, she hadn’t been given any guidance as of yet. 

“Burnham was mentioning how enthusiastic you are to begin your training, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you won’t be receiving your training under normal circumstances. With this urgent mission, it’s all hands on deck until we figure this mess out.”

Tilly felt her heart deflate a little, but she tried not to show it. She wanted nothing more than to be a captain like Pike, like Giorgou. The little taste of that power that she’d gotten as “Captain Killy” in the mirror universe had almost given her an addiction for the thrill of command. Not that she was going to go around decimating entire planets, as the _other_ Sylvia had. But knowing that she had that kind of authority and confidence buried deep inside of her, was like a drug that slowly dripped into her bloodstream, fueling her forward momentum.

“Oh, that’s fine,” she replied with a wave of her hand, but then she worried that that sounded too flippant. “Not that I don’t care,” she added. “I do care, I care a lot, but I understand.”

“Well, good,” he said, tapping his knuckles on the table. “And I promise, when this is all over, I’ll even help with your training myself.” He rose to his feet, the barest hint of something else flashing across his face. Could it have been awkwardness? No, she had to be mistaken, she’d never seen him be anything but confident.

“Yes, please,” she replied. Then realized what she’d said. “I mean, that sounds great. Thank you, Captain.”

“Have a nice day, Ensign.” And with a slight wave of his hand, he left.

She had just enough time to rise to her feet as he spoke before he turned around a left.

“You too,” she muttered to herself, he was already out of earshot. Had she said something wrong? Well… more wrong than usual?

She glanced across the room to see Keyla Detmer making bug eyes at her. Keyla mouthed, “Oh my god!”

Tilly could only shrug and fall back down into her chair. What in the world had just happened?


	2. Pike

Going to see Ensign Tilly again had been the wrong thing to do. He knew it in his gut, but he just couldn’t help himself. He was drawn to her like an asteroid hurtling towards a star. Everything about her pulled at him, at every part of him, all the way deep down into his soul. Her smile was infectious, her enthusiasm enchanting. She was whip-smart and brave and authentic. He wasn’t afraid to admit to himself that he was more than a little drawn to her body as well. He’d already woken up twice in the middle of the night, hot and breathless with a sheen of sweat glistening across his chest, his hands achy with the ghostly feel of her imaginary body. On the bridge, her uniform covered those ample breasts and that luscious backside that he yearned to touch. Only in his dreams was it possible to hold her, to caress her soft flesh the way he wished to.

When he’d first taken command of the ship, she’d been the one to authenticate him.

“You have nice nail beds,” she said nervously as she readjusted his fingers on the scanner. He’d teased her by feigning an injury, trying to put her at ease. It hadn’t helped though. Instead, she’d accidentally put his entire history up on the main viewscreen for all to see.

He’d continued on, addressing the mission at hand. But inside he’d been rattled. Over the years he’d encountered more than his fair share of nervous ensigns, but she’d been different. Her scent haunted him. Everything about her haunted him.

“Oh my god, I thought I broke a captain,” she replied with a smile. And she had, just not in the way she’d meant it.

A few days later he’d found himself in engineering, ostensibly on a mission to debrief the newest member of their crew Jett Reno, but _she_ had been there as well. The moment he’d walked in the door her gaze had zeroed in on him as if she was as aware of his presence as he was of hers. But he tossed that idea from his mind. It wasn’t because of him as a person, but rather him as a captain, something that he rarely let himself forget. Because it was easy to forget, you’d start getting familiar with your crew, develop a sense of camaraderie, and then you’d have to make life and death decisions for everyone and you regretted those attachments that you’d made.

That’s why captains didn’t get close to people. He couldn’t allow himself to get close to anyone. The last time it had happened it had nearly ruined him.

He thought of Vina, the last woman he’d dared to love, far away on Talos IV. She was the opposite of Ensign Tilly in almost every way. Calm, serene, statuesque, cool. Tilly was an all-consuming fire, from the top of her curly, red hair, to the tips of her animated, tactile fingers.

Even now as he sat before her in the mess hall, she almost visibly vibrated with energy.

He’d lied to himself about his trip to engineering, it _had_ been to see her and not Commander Reno, but this time he wasn’t lying to himself anymore. He’d come to see her. To fill up his tank with her incandescent beauty. Even if it was just a small interaction, he told himself that it had to be enough, that it could never go further. It _had_ to be enough.

“...I’ll even train you myself,” he heard himself say. _Damn_. He should not have said that. After this mission was over he didn’t plan on sticking around. He had his own ship to get back to, and the Discovery would be given to someone else. That was if they even survived this chaos. He was fully prepared not to. Perhaps that was why he felt he needed her so desperately. He could feel his clock counting down.

_Get up_ , he told himself. _Get out of here, leave_. 

He stood abruptly, catching her off guard.

He didn’t want people getting the wrong impression, even if it turned out to be the right one. His reservoir was full again, for how long he didn’t know, but it would have to do. They both had more important matters at hand.

 

A few days later Tilly and the rest of the Command Trainees arrived on the bridge for a round of simulations. They were to be instructed by Saru, but he’d offered to stay on deck to assist. At the moment _Discovery_ was in a holding pattern until Commander Burnham could unlock some insight into the meaning of the Red Angel. Perhaps the sudden arrival of her foster-mother Amanda Grayson would help her in some way.

The moment Christopher laid eyes on Tilly he knew something was wrong. Her cheeks, normally bright and rosy, were pale and drawn taught in a frown. Her eyes were red-rimmed as if she’d gotten little sleep, and had been crying. She was quiet, distracted, and as he watched her, he saw her stare intently in odd directions. 

She spoke to him, introducing herself to him for perhaps the third time. Which made him smile. She seemed to be the kind of person who always assumed people would forget who she was, but that was impossible, anyone who met Sylvia Tilly would remember her forever. 

Perhaps if he engaged her, it would help. 

“So, what should we do? How about we marry some folks even if they’re not that into each other?” 

She laughed, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Oh, very good, sir.” 

Just then Lieutenant Rhys asked for him to approve something and he had to pull his attention away from her. But he could tell by the way she rocked back and forth that something was eating at her. 

“Ready if you are,” he said. “Hop in the chair, Ensign.” 

“Yes, Sir.” 

“Let’s run a systems test.” 

“A systems test? Uh, where?” she asked. 

_What?_ The question was absurd and deeply troubling. “Where? In the chair.” 

She too appeared alarmed. “Oh, okay,” she muttered sitting down. 

He watched her shake her head as if she were forcing herself to focus. “Acknowledged, uh, step one…” Tilly glanced to the side and hissed, “Calm down!” 

“I’m hearing considerably fewer syllables out of you than normal. I know that the chair can be intimidating, but…” he stopped because she looked about to crumble. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Tilly that he’d come to know in only a few short weeks. 

“Are you okay?” 

“This is the captain!” she insisted as she stared right at him. 

“Ensign, what is going on?” Pike felt his stomach roil with fear. Something was terribly wrong with her. He wanted nothing more than to pick her up in his arms and carry her to sickbay, but he stopped himself. 

“Tilly, answer Captain Pike,” Saru ordered her from a nearby station. 

“No, I’m not going to listen to you anymore! You tricked me and you lied to me,” Tilly cried, pointing her finger at him, accusatorily. “Shut up!” 

“Ensign Sylvia Tilly!” Saru barked at her. 

Pike watched her face collapse as if only at that moment was she truly aware of her outburst. 

She got up from the Captain’s chair, apologies pouring from her lips. “No, I didn’t. I’m s—. I… she drove me to it! I—That doesn’t sound right.” 

She backed away from all of them. They all wanted to help her, but she was like an animal caught in a trap. In a word, terrified. 

“I’m not… I’m not…” she stepped back towards the doors. “I’m not.” 

He knew what she meant. She wasn’t crazy. She hadn’t suddenly gone mad. But something was wrong. Before he could go to her. Help her into his ready room. Help her with whatever it was that was happening to her, she left, with a weak, defeated, “I quit,” hanging in the air. 


	3. Tilly

Tilly lay in bed, trying to keep herself from trembling. At this time yesterday, she was trapped in the mycelial network with alien May. She’d never been more terrified in her life. Not even when she’d had to impersonate her psychotic Terran counterpart. At least that time she’d had the rest of _Discovery_ behind her, in the mycelial network she’d been all alone, with little hope of salvation. She could still remember that sensation of total and absolute terror waking up in that cocoon. In the end, she should have known. Known that Michael and Stamets would find a way to rescue her. That the _Discovery_ wouldn’t abandon her.

It had taken her nearly two hours in the shower to get all of the fungal detritus out of her hair, and then she’d found Michael waiting for her in their room and cried in her arms. Poor Dr. Culber had been there alone for months, she’d only been there for a few hours.

Michael had told her what Captain Pike had said about her. That he’d called her a ‘brave young woman’ but she hadn’t felt brave.

She’d gone so far as to review the bridge logs. The bit he’d said about Star Fleet being a promise had been especially poetic and had given her a funny feeling in her chest. A tight, squeezing of her lungs. She could feel her crush on him growing, swelling, becoming out of control like a runaway chemical reaction. At this rate, she’d probably fall head-over-heels in love with him in no time.

The door chime sounded and Tilly dragged herself up off the bed. She’d had a slew of visitors so far this morning, Joann and Keyla had already been by, so had Airiam and Linus. She wondered who it could be unless it was simply another follow up by Dr. Pollard. The doctor had told her to take a day of rest before she resumed her duties, but she didn’t feel like resting. She felt like living. After all, one never knew when they’d be suddenly transported to an alien dimension.

“Come in,” she told the computer, but the person the door revealed stopped her in her tracks.

“C-Captain, how nice to see you,” Tilly barely managed to spit out.

“It’s nice to see you as well, Ensign. I thought we almost lost you there for a moment,” he said with a gentle smile.

“Me too, Sir.”

He looked around the room cautiously, “and we’re alone now?”

Tilly was caught off guard. “Uh, yes, Sir. Commander Burnham is on her shift in Data Lab Two.

He chuckled. “That’s good to hear, but I meant to ask if we were now free of your alien stowaway. Last time she was in the room I had some rather unpleasant outbursts directed at me.”

A horrified laugh escaped her. “Yes, Sir. May is no longer with us, with me. Once again, I am very sorry about the way I acted on the bridge. I wasn’t myself. I hope you will forgive me and allow me back into the Command Training Program.”

“I wasn’t under the impression that you had ever left, Ensign.”

A wave of relief washed over her. “Thank you, Sir. You won’t regret it, I promise.”

He took an unexpected step forward, and the doors to her room, which had been held open by his presence, now slid closed behind him.

“Was there something else, Captain?” she asked. He looked uncertainly at her, before gesturing for her to sit down. Tilly glanced behind her and realized that her bed was the only available seating in the vicinity. She backed up until her thigh hit the bed and he followed suit, but kept a generous amount of space between them. At that moment it took all of her poise not to squeal like a first-year cadet.

“I received the Doctor’s report and I was briefed by Burnham, but I wanted to make sure personally that you weren’t having any further issues. Did you sleep well last night?” he asked cautiously.

“I slept alright,” she replied, almost unable to form the words. His nearness was making it hard for her frontal lobe to process speech. “I... I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a nightmare or two.”

“I too know what it’s like to be trapped on an alien world against your will,” he said quietly. “It took a long time for me to get over it.”

“Do you mean Talos IV?” she asked quietly.

His head snapped up and she saw an unspoken question in his piercing gaze.

“I read your service record,” she explained. “I like to be thorough.”

He gave her a lopsided grin and rested his hand on hers. “Of course you do.”

_Goodness gracious_ , she thought, _he’s touching me. What do I do?_

“Thank you for the extra time you bought us to help May and to get us out of the mycelial network alive,” she whispered.

“Thank Georgiou,” he said, “I hear it was her doing.”

“Oh,” was the only reply she could muster.

“It would have ruined me if you’d died in there,” he murmured. There was a fierceness in his voice that made a shudder snake through her.

Hesitantly she let her other hand rest on top of his. His fingers were long and strong and incredibly warm.

She had no response to that. What was one supposed to say, when not only your Captain but also the man you most desired in the whole universe said something like that. 

“Do you know how special you are Sylvia?”

“Only my mother calls me Sylvia,” was all that she could think to say.

“Ah, I’m sorry to be so presumptuous.”

“No, no. It’s fine. Just… everyone calls me Tilly.”

“Would you hate it if I asked you to call me Chris? Here, now, in private?”

“No, no, not at all, Captain… I mean, Chris.”

His thumb softly stroked her palm as he stared intently down at her.

“You’re so beautiful, Tilly. Like a supernova cutting through the vast emptiness of space.”

_Oh no, oh no, oh no!_ She thought.

She was about to do something incredibly, astonishingly, colossally stupid. Everyone who knew her would have agreed that she had a propensity for leaping before she looked, but if she did what she wanted to do right now, then this moment would take the cake.

She leaned towards him, studying his face, his eyes, those smooth, firm lips. He gazed back at her, waiting for something. Was it her?

_Don’t kiss your Captain, you dummy!_

She kissed her Captain.


	4. Pike

He knew the millisecond that the doors to her quarters slid open that he shouldn’t have come here. He told himself that it was his duty to check up on his crew, especially after serious trauma. To ease his conscience he’d even stopped by to see Dr. Culber first, so nothing would look amiss. The man had looked like a walking ghost. Here, but gone. His body lay in sickbay, but his mind was a dimension away.

Burnham had told him that Tilly was none the worse for wear, but he had to see it for himself. He prayed that she hadn’t suffered the same fate. That the alien that had hijacked her body and mind hadn’t extinguished her light as well. He should have guessed how resilient she would be. 

Now here he was, perched on the edge of her bed. Ready to flee at a moments notice. Their hands intertwined. She leaned towards him.

He was about to make a very bad decision.

It looked like she wanted to kiss him. But he couldn’t allow it. It would be insanely inappropriate and break about fifty Starfleet protocols. He was her senior in every way, except perhaps the one that mattered most. Spirit. Her bright soul far outshone his.

He thought of something people used to say back in Mojave. Never stare into the sun, or you’d end up needing a VISOR.

Like a fool, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

When her lips stopped at what seemed like a scant micron from his, he knew he was lost. He deserved to be shipped off to the Klingon penal colony of Rura Penthe for what he was about to do. Her lips touched his and he pulled back sharply. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Captain. I can’t believe I did that,” she began, “it’s just… you were… and you are… well, y’know.” She gestured enthusiastically at his body. “I realize that I’m not the kind of woman—”

He held up his hand, halting her apology.

“That’s not why I stopped you,” he said quietly.

“It isn’t?” Tilly sighed heavily with what appeared to be relief.

“You want to kiss me?” she asked.

“So damn much,” he replied.

Her eyes were bright and wide, an adorable little crease forming between her coppery brows.

“Then why?”

“I just… I don’t want to put you in this position. I am your Captain. There can be nothing between us. I don’t want you to think that you can’t say ‘No’ to me out of fear of reprisal. Or that you might think I’m taking advantage of my position.”

A little gasp escaped her. “I’d never think that, Captain… Chris. You aren’t that kind of man.”

He squeezed her hand tightly. “Because if you said ‘No’ right now, I’d walk out this door, and it would be like this moment never happened.”

“And what if I said ‘Yes’,” she whispered, her voice deep and husky and alluring. 

Then god help him.

“I feel as if I should leave, but I can’t make my body respond to my commands. I want you, Tilly, so badly.”

He watched as a shudder passed through her and her pale eyelashes fluttered shut.

“You do?” She sounded so surprised and it broke his heart. Didn’t she know how beautiful she was?

“I leave my fate in your hands.”

“Computer, lock the door. Protocol Omega,” she yelled to the room at large.

“Protocol Omega?” he began to ask, but he was nearly bowled over by the force of her leaping onto his lap.

Their lips met in a flurry of need and desire. She straddled his legs and with unbridled exuberance pushed him back onto the bed. He didn’t quite know how, but she’d already managed to unzip the jacket of her uniform and was now fumbling with the clasp of his. He liked her efficiency.

Chris wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against him. She was so warm and soft. Her breasts pressed firmly against his chest made his cock throb to life. And he couldn’t stop the image of her squirming beneath him in ecstasy from entering his mind. Her lips were lush and fervent as she kissed him nearly everywhere, the corners of his mouth, the smooth planes of his cheeks, even the tip of his nose. She’d already managed the clasp on his pants without missing a beat.

“Let me just…” she began as she tried to tear off her own tank top and bra, but the fabric caught on the long bulk of her curls and she couldn’t quite manage to smoothly pull off the garments.

“Here,” he whispered, “let me help you.”

“C’mon, Tilly, get it together,” she said to herself, and the comment brought a wide grin to his face.

“That’s better,” he said as her ample breasts fell free in front of him. They were glorious. Where the skin of her face was fair with a lovely pink flush, the skin on her chest was an almost translucent white. The faint blue of a few small veins snaked across them, and her nipples, a dark rose color, puckered tight into alert, little nubs.

His body reacted almost automatically to what his mind had imagined for so long. Without another thought he buried his face against them, tracing his tongue over the tender flesh, drawing one firm nipple into his mouth.

A ragged gasp tore from her lips as he nipped gently at first one delicate pearl, and then the other.

“Please, Chris,” she begged, “I need you.”

“What do you need, Tilly?” he asked with a knowing grin.

She blushed. “You _know…_ ”

“Say it.”

She sprang off of him and slid her pants down her legs, stepping out of them as quickly as she could.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her back onto the bed beside him. This time underneath him.

“I need you inside of me,” her voice rasped.

“Like this?” he asked. His hand slid down over her bare stomach and disappeared into the russet curls at the juncture of her thighs. She was already slick and ready for him. Wetter than the rainy season on Ogus II. She jerked at his touch, her muscles tightening and relaxing as he slipped his long middle finger into her. Massaging that sensitive little button that made her lashes flutter, her breath catch, and her head tip back, revealing the delicate lines of her neck.

He started slow but quickly increased the pace as she writhed beneath him, begging breathlessly for more. She was sweet and earnest, a balm for his fractured soul. His hand moved lower, sliding all the way into her.

Tilly cried out, before burying her face against his neck, to muffle herself.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Til,” he told her, “I want to hear you.”

Their eyes met then as she looked up at him, smiling at his encouragement. He added another finger and stroked in and out of her, bending his fingers in a come-hither motion, never breaking eye contact with her. It was she who broke the connection first, but that was because her beautiful blue eyes squeezed shut as she came. He knew the moment it happened, not only could he feel her inner muscles tighten and squeeze his fingers, but her body shook and the most adorable little squeal tore from her lips.

“Oh god, Til,” he whispered, pulling his hand from her. He fell down onto the bed alongside her, his breathing harsh, even though his hand had just done all the work.

She turned on her side and smiled at him, a glorious grin spreading from almost ear to ear. 

“Now it’s your turn,” she purred.

And before he could even fantasize about what she intended to do, she was above him, on top of him, and his rock-hard cock was buried deep inside of her.

Sylvia Tilly made him feel more alive than he had felt in a long while. For the first time in years, he didn’t feel like a part of him was missing, and he fully intended to hold on to this bliss for as long as possible.


	5. Tilly

She lay dozing in the crook of his arm. So far they hadn’t been disturbed. Protocol Omega triggered a series of safeguards to give them privacy. It was something that she and Michael had come up with months earlier when Michael and Tyler had needed alone time in their quarters. It locked the doors with a rotating password and notified the other roommate they were not to be disturbed. No doubt Michael would be full of questions later, but for now, they’d had nearly four uninterrupted hours together.

His fingers slowly traced a path up and down the bare flesh of her arm. It was heavenly, she thought. She couldn’t believe that someone so commanding, and frankly, incredibly handsome, was interested in her. In this way. That he’d looked at her as if she were an oasis, and he a man crazed with dehydration.

But still, something felt off. And as she lay beside him, quietly contemplating it, she realized what it was. This felt fleeting. Call it a gut feeling, or perhaps it was just her poor self-esteem telling her this wouldn’t last, but she knew this would never happen again.

He nuzzled his mouth against the crook of her neck, burying his nose deep within her brazen, red curls. Breathing deep the scent of her, kissing her so softly it made her want to moan.

After the sex—which had been beyond incredible—they laid there and talked. She imagined that he told her things that he’d never told another living soul. She’d told him her hopes and dreams and fears, and he held her and listened intently, it had been the most comforting feeling in the world.

His lips paused on her cheek, just as they’d been about to find her mouth, and he whispered, “Why are you frowning, Til?”

She loved that he’d started to call her that. It felt like something special just for her.

She didn’t want to tell him her doubts, because they weren’t doubts about him, he was perfect. It was just a sensation of warning prickling up her spine. As if on cue, his communicator chirped. He let go of her and leaned down to where his uniform sat discarded on the floor.

Lieutenant Rowe’s voice sounded through the room.

“Sir, Liaison Officer Tyler is requesting your presence in your ready room. I believe he wishes to speak to you and Commander Burnham.”

“Tell him, I’m on my way,” he replied, and with a heavy sigh, he began to put his clothes back on.

“It seems I’m needed. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer,” he gave her an apologetic smile as he pulled his gray tank top back over his head. She’d enjoyed tearing it off of him.

“Sir… I think you were right,” she said quietly.

Her use of the honorific made his head come up slowly. “Oh?”

She smiled wistfully. “I wanted to imagine that we could be together. At least more times than this. That I could do the job I love all day and spend my nights with you… but you were right. We can’t do this. This has to be it.”

She didn’t tell him why, what she suspected deep down in her heart, that he was still in love with another woman. She’d heard the rumors. The gossip about what had _really_ happened on Talos IV. That there’d been a woman there and that he’d almost given up everything to be with her. That they’d been torn apart by the fickle whims of the universe and that he’d never quite recovered. She didn’t think he’d lied to her about his desire. His passion for her was self-evident, and that made her smile in and of itself, but she wasn’t what he needed. He needed that other woman. The woman that held the other half of his heart lightyears away. Tilly was just a bandage covering his open wound, what he thought he needed to heal, but she’d never be the real thing to him.

He looked down at her sadly and perhaps a little hurt. Gone were his charming quips and boyish smiles.

“I hate to leave things like this,” he said quietly.

She sat up, wrapping the blanket under her arms and around her chest.

“Don’t regret this. I don’t. I never expected anything more from you. You don’t owe me anything.”

His eyes danced over her hair and her face, down to where her cleavage peeped out above the blanket and even farther to where that blanket hugged her ample hips.

“There are other things I’ll miss as well,” he teased.

Tilly couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her, feeling herself blush she looked away.

He knelt down in front of her, between her pale thighs, and took her face in his hands.

“Thank you for this, Til. Thank you for wanting me.”

Tilly felt the tears beginning to form in her eyes and reflexively sniffled as she smiled back at him.

“Well, that wasn’t hard. I mean, just look at you, three-quarters of the people on board this ship want you,” she said with a laugh, and he laughed too. 

But soon their laughter died and something close to heartache filled the room again.

“I have to go,” he whispered.

“I know.”

He leaned forward and gave her one last exquisitely gentle kiss on the lips.

“Let me know if you change your mind,” he said with a playful wink. 

“I will,” she replied. But she wouldn’t. Because he could never truly be hers. He already belonged to someone else.

“Goodbye Chris,” she said one last time. Knowing that that name would never cross her lips in regards to him again. That from now on he’d only and always be “Captain”.

“Goodbye, Til,” he replied as he approached the door, and then with one last long look, he was gone. And she took that image, that memory of him, smiling with her special name on his lips, and buried it deep down inside of herself. And she knew that it would bring her happiness and strength for the storm that was fast approaching.

The End


End file.
